High School...

My high school experience was equally as rewarding as it was trying. I learned and I struggled, I gained and I lost. Like most, I began my journey lost and unsure. I made more mistakes than in all my previous years combined. However, the difference between those mistakes and my previous mistakes was that, I learned from every single mistake. Many of those mistakes could have been avoided with humbleness or humility, but in all four years, I do not have a single regret. Each mistake led to new growth in wisdom and character, and here I am now, alive and well. For this, I have my parents to thank, they led me with incredible patience and love; my friends, they made my experiences colorful and exciting, they always put a smile on my face when there was a frown; Kathie, for becoming a trusted confidant and a passionate sister in Christ; my sisters, each and every one of my sisters is a piece of me and they constantly remind me of who I am when I’m not sure; my aunts, my uncles, my grandma, my grandpa, and my cousins, they taught me how to find perfection in imperfection; my teachers, they showed me what it was like to have an incredible zest for knowledge; and most importantly God, He was there when I was in my darkest days, He held me up when I was falling, He gave me peace when I was anxious, and He loved me through my sin. My journey has been long and exhilarating, but it is not yet over, it is only just beginning.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Matthew 6:33

Different, But Not So Different

I used to imagine what it would be like to have a 1950s family that lived in a clean little home with a white picket fence that always had dinner at 6pm everyday. My mom would take care of the house and my dad would have a 9-5 job to which he carried a dark-brown leather briefcase. My sisters and I would wear pretty dresses that came past our knees with evenly spaced polka dots. And then I would remember that I didn't really like dresses. 

I guess it would be nice to have a routine life that was simple, but then I wouldn't really be me. I would be that other girl from the 50s. Your family and your surroundings are what make you.

I used to love routine, and I would get horribly disappointed and upset when it got messed up. And soon enough, I found that no routine, or tradition, lasts forever. Sooner or later it will get messed up and forgotten. But then I learned that change isn't such a bad thing. It makes thing different, but not so different. Sure, our ways of expressing ourselves are different from the 17th century, but isn't it also different from the ways we expressed ourselves yesterday? There will constantly be changes, but some things always stay the same, like love. It may look different from the outside, but I think it always feels the same in the inside. 

The Small Moments

There are moments when I understand God's work in life, but, most of the time, I don't understand. Right now, I don't understand what God is doing. But, I do know that his plans are always bigger than what they seem. 

I don't know why God chose to inflict grief upon an eleven-year-old girl, but I know he makes all things happen for our good. So, even though it's difficult to see, I know that somehow, somewhere, this eleven-year-old girl will find peace and understanding in this situation. 

Today, at 6 am, Lily lost her dad to a heart attack. She was given no warning. I don't really know Lydia, I've seen her a couple times, and I know she's a friend of my little sister's. I also have no idea what she's going through, but I know she needs support and love, even from me, a mere stranger. 

I'm still trying to process all of this information. I'm trying to imagine the sixth grade me losing someone extremely dear to me and how I would've felt, but I can't. I have no idea what it would be like, but I know God brings his beloved together in times of grief. 

As much as this event serves as a great misfortune, it is events like these that pull me back to see from a different perspective and guide me to be someone who is grateful for all the memories that I've been given. 

I started my blog almost a year ago to write down and share my thoughts, but now it's become a place where I can store my memories and the small moments. It is the small moments that store that little bit of happiness that we need. It is the small moments that we all share. It is the small moments that we need to remember.