What In the Hell Am I Doing?

School is still just starting, and so far, I'm hating every bit of it. Just to be completely honest. 

I feel like everything I'm doing, I'm putting effort into, but all I'm getting only half of what I'm putting in back. Or maybe I'm just giving myself too much credit. But in any case, everything is just really difficult and I feel like the only thing I'm making is a mistake. 

I'm on the brink of the first breakdown of the year, and I really don't want to be in this position right now. I want to run away, bury myself in a hole and never come out again. 

I'm really stressed right now because I'm applying to colleges right now, and I still have no idea where I want to apply to; I am also supposed to be writing my applications right now too, and I'm really behind. On top of that, I have an upcoming SAT II subject test coming up in less than two weeks. On top of that, I, for reasons unknown, signed up for AP Biology at school, and I'm failing miserably. 

I'm just really distracted and I can't find my calm anywhere. I find it really hard to concentrate at home because everything is in front of me: my laptop, my phone, my dog, my sisters, my grandpa, and loads and loads of food. And when I go to study at a small coffee shop, that's relatively quiet, I can only stay for, tops two hours, because something will eventually annoy me, so I just get up and leave. 

Just moments ago, my mom, who I see everyday for a total of about five minutes, kept coming into my room while I was trying to study for my Bio test tomorrow, so I just got really frustrated, and I just snapped at her. 

I feel like I just can't do it. I can't win in my tennis matches, I can't pass my Biology tests, I can't write my college essays. Right now it all just sounds like a huge sob story, but I'm on the brink of throwing the towel in. I never imagined my senior year would get so stressful so fast. 

I'm hanging on the one thread of hope I have right now, Jesus. And I feel like shit going back to Him after I've been pushing Him away for several months now. I didn't think I was, but I think I was really angry at Him for messing up our church and our family. I was hurt, and I still am. I don't know if I can just "go back" to God. I know I need Him to get by in the world, but I just don't know how I can trust Him. 

Life is beating me down, and I'm slowly falling down into the hole it's pushing me in.