Greatness

I move into college in just about one day, and yesterday, I was just fine, but now I feel like I'm about to shit bricks. 

For about three weeks, I've been basically doing nothing, just binge watching "Orange is the New Black" (which isn't as good as everyone raves, the story line is very repetitive and predictable) and "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (funny, but not entirely realistic). I was actually really anxious to start school and move on with my life. Surprisingly, not having anything to do gets depressing. For three weeks, I got up no earlier than 11:30, and I snacked all day long in the huge stash that my house has right now, we're talking Hot Cheetos, Flamin' Funyuns, Cheez-its, pretzles, Oreos, and an assortment of cookies. It sounded like life, but it got old real quick.

But this week was different; I actually started, and almost finished packing. I met up with my friends one last time, I left some postcards for my sisters to mail me, I made one last batch of cookies, and I kept my dog close all day. Suddenly, the day I've been waiting for, for so long seems too close. I didn't think the end would be so close, but then again, I guess I'm forgetting what I told myself when I had just graduated: the end is just the beginning. 

I'm anxious, I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm sad. I'm so many things right now, it's really confusing and overwhelming. I don't want to leave home, because I feel like I'm leaving behind my family, almost like I'm walking away. At the same time, I want to learn, I want to establish my passion, I want to see the fucking world. I don't want to be sad. I know that my relationships with my loved ones aren't ending, they're just changing, but it's hard to see past "I'm leaving them." 

One thing that I decided from living my life and watching my mom live hers, is that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. Actually, sometimes, to move on with your life, you have to be selfish. I feel selfish, but there's things that I need to do that I can't do at home. I love what I have right now, but I won't love it after staying in it for too long. 

And so here it is, my ultimatum for myself:

Amy, you're literally moving into a new phase in your life. Things are changing, your relationships with your family and friends are changing. You're going to meet new friends that you were destined to meet. You're going to learn new things about life and new things in your textbooks. There are things that you were meant to do, and you need to get your ass up and go do those things with confidence and enthusiasm. God made you to live a life of greatness, find that greatness, hold it, learn it, and then share it. Remember, God has a purpose for each tear that will fall from your face; he has a purpose for every tremor in your heart. Trust in Him, and lean on Him throughout this journey. I believe in you and the light that is in your soul. Go get 'em tiger.